2000 Years Ago
Adapted by Glen Dawursk, Jr.,
October 1978
www.yuthguy.com
Original
plot author unknown.
CHARACTERS: Space creature (a puppet)
Danny (a dummy)
Lohren (the ventriloquist)
PROPS & SETTING:
A blanket or puppet
stage, a “fuzzy” puppet, and a male ventriloquist’s dummy – not to mention
someone who is a ventriloquist!
SPECIAL NOTES:
While this script has
been adapted for use with the above characters, it is not necessary to use a
puppet, a dummy, and a ventriloquist.
The script can be done just as effectively with three puppets, three
people, or any variation of the means of presenting the characterizations.
Space creature: Swoooooooooooo
(Danny’s head turns to the right in a sweeping motion.)
Danny: Did, did, did you see that, Lohren?
Lohren Did I see what, Danny?
Danny: A flying saucer.
Lohren: Of course not! (To audience) Did you see a flying saucer?
Space creature: Swooooooooooo (Danny and Lohren both turn their heads to the left in a sweeping motion)
Lohren: I, I, I, I, I saw it! (To audience) A flying saucer?
Space creature: Swoooooooooo (Danny’s head follows the imaginary space craft as it lands behind the puppet stand or blanket.)
Danny: There it is again -- it’s landing!
Space creature: ooooooooooooo “p”! (It landed)
(Space creature pops up from behind the blanket and looks around) Bleep! Bleep! (Disappears behind blanket)
Danny: Aah, did, did, did you hear that?
Lohren: Hear what, Danny?
(Space creature reappears)
Space creature: Bleep! Bleep! (Disappears)
Danny: I, I, I, I thought I saw him, right there, I, I ….
(Danny turns around just as the space creature reappears again.)
Space creature: Bleep! Bleep!
Danny: Oh no, what are we going to do?
Space creature: Take me to your leader.
Danny: Take me to your liter? (To audience) I didn’t know they had the metric system up there.
Space creature: Take me to your leader.
Lohren: Well, I guess you’ll have to talk to us ----
Space creature: My name is (quickly) DW510BZY185RVC
– ZERO- Colon,
Danny: I sure wish he wouldn’t say that so fast!
Space creature: I was just visiting your planet, on the way down to my planet, when I thought I’d stop in and see what exciting thing has happened here in the past, aaah, 2000 years.
Danny: 2000 years, huh?
Space creature: Yup!
Danny: Gee, and I flunked my history. (To audience) Do you have problems with history, too? (Pause) 2000 years, let’s see, ah, ah, yeah! We have a new president!
Space creature: Not good enough!
Danny: (To audience) Funny, that’s what everybody else is saying. (pause) There must have been something. You try, Lohren.
Lohren: I know, we sent men to the moon!
Space creature: We have a McDonald’s up there already!
Lohren: I guess not ……
Danny: You don’t know anything; besides, you’re just a dummy anyway!
Lohren: If you’re so smart, then you try it!
Danny: Okay, I got it! (To creature) We sent a balloon across the ocean! (Shakes head from side to side – “NO”)
Danny: Not good enough?
Space creature: Come now, there must have been something far more exciting that has happened here in the past, aah, 2000 years.
Danny: Well, gee, I, aah, really don’t know. (To audience) Can you think of anything?
Lohren: Ya know, Danny, God came to Earth.
Danny: Oh, come on Lohren – that happened so long ago, why I’ll bet it was two thou…. (pause) 2000 years ago. Why that’s the lucky number. Try it, Lohren!
Lohren: Aah, God came to our planet.
Space creature: Huh? God came to your planet?
Danny: See, Lohren, I knew it wouldn’t work …
Space creature: WOW! I’ll bet you had a BIG celebration! No, a national holiday, I know, a ticker tape
parade in
Danny: Oh, ah, well, ah, we did so many things, ah, I ah, I can’t think of them all. We did ah, and we ah, we did just so much, why we ah, they’re on the tip of my tongue, and ah, we … (pause) no, we killed Him!
(Silence)