2000 Years Ago

Adapted by Glen Dawursk, Jr., October 1978


  Original plot author unknown.



CHARACTERS:          Space creature (a puppet)

                                    Danny (a dummy)

                                    Lohren (the ventriloquist)


PROPS & SETTING:             

A blanket or puppet stage, a “fuzzy” puppet, and a male ventriloquist’s dummy – not to mention someone who is a ventriloquist!


SPECIAL NOTES:                 

While this script has been adapted for use with the above characters, it is not necessary to use a puppet, a dummy, and a ventriloquist.  The script can be done just as effectively with three puppets, three people, or any variation of the means of presenting the characterizations.



Space creature:             Swoooooooooooo

(Danny’s head turns to the right in a sweeping motion.)


Danny:                          Did, did, did you see that, Lohren?


Lohren                         Did I see what, Danny?


Danny:                          A flying saucer.


Lohren:                         Of course not! (To audience)  Did you see a flying saucer?


Space creature:             Swooooooooooo (Danny and Lohren both turn their heads to the left in a sweeping motion)


Lohren:                         I, I, I, I, I saw it!  (To audience)  A flying saucer?


Space creature:             Swoooooooooo (Danny’s head follows the imaginary space craft as it lands behind the puppet stand or blanket.)


Danny:                          There it is again -- it’s landing!


Space creature:             ooooooooooooo “p”!  (It landed)

(Space creature pops up from behind the blanket and looks around)  Bleep!  Bleep!  (Disappears behind blanket)


Danny:                          Aah, did, did, did you hear that?


Lohren:                         Hear what, Danny?


                                    (Space creature reappears)


Space creature:             Bleep!  Bleep!  (Disappears)


Danny:                          I, I, I, I thought I saw him, right there, I, I ….


                                    (Danny turns around just as the space creature reappears again.)


Space creature:             Bleep!  Bleep!


Danny:                          Oh no, what are we going to do?


Space creature:             Take me to your leader.


Danny:                          Take me to your liter?  (To audience)  I didn’t know they had the metric system up there.


Space creature:             Take me to your leader.


Lohren:                         Well, I guess you’ll have to talk to us ----


Space creature:             My name is (quickly) DW510BZY185RVC – ZERO- Colon, Colon, Colon, (pause) from planet Zonar (To audience) in the third constellation!


Danny:                          I sure wish he wouldn’t say that so fast!


Space creature:             I was just visiting your planet, on the way down to my planet, when I thought I’d stop in and see what exciting thing has happened here in the past, aaah, 2000 years.


Danny:                          2000 years, huh?


Space creature:             Yup!


Danny:                          Gee, and I flunked my history.  (To audience)  Do you have problems with history, too?  (Pause) 2000 years, let’s see, ah, ah, yeah!  We have a new president!


Space creature:             Not good enough!


Danny:                          (To audience) Funny, that’s what everybody else is saying.  (pause) There must have been something.  You try, Lohren.


Lohren:                         I know, we sent men to the moon!


Space creature:             We have a McDonald’s up there already!


Lohren:                         I guess not ……


Danny:                          You don’t know anything; besides, you’re just a dummy anyway!


Lohren:                         If you’re so smart, then you try it!


Danny:                          Okay, I got it!  (To creature)  We sent a balloon across the ocean!  (Shakes head from side to side – “NO”)


Danny:                          Not good enough?


Space creature:             Come now, there must have been something far more exciting that has happened here in the past, aah, 2000 years.


Danny:                          Well, gee, I, aah, really don’t know.  (To audience)  Can you think of anything?


Lohren:                         Ya know, Danny, God came to Earth.


Danny:                          Oh, come on Lohren – that happened so long ago, why I’ll bet it was two thou…. (pause) 2000 years ago.  Why that’s the lucky number.  Try it, Lohren!


Lohren:                         Aah, God came to our planet.


Space creature:             Huh?  God came to your planet?


Danny:                          See, Lohren, I knew it wouldn’t work …


Space creature:             WOW!  I’ll bet you had a BIG celebration!  No, a national holiday, I know, a ticker tape parade in New York.  No, no a big banquet – Ah, what did you do for God?  What did you do for the MAIN man?  What did you do?  Huh?  What ….


Danny:                          Oh, ah, well, ah, we did so many things, ah, I ah, I can’t think of them all.  We did ah, and we ah, we did just so much, why we ah, they’re on the tip of my tongue, and ah, we … (pause) no, we killed Him!